Leadership is a compass, not a crown

6 Reflections from 12 Years in Senior Leadership

I’ve never seen leadership as a crown to be worn or a pedestal from which to pronounce. For me, it has always been a discipline rather than a display—a commitment to clarity, an ethic of service, and a quiet, persistent act of navigation through the fog of complexity.

After twelve years in senior leadership, I remain struck by how often it is less about authority and more about self-awareness; less about certainty and more about learning. These are not leadership “rules,” nor a formula to follow, but rather six enduring lessons—shaped by experience, misstep, and reflection—that have helped me lead with greater purpose, empathy, and effect.

1. Never Take Anything Personally

Leadership requires decisions, and decisions—particularly the hard ones—invite criticism. Some of it will be warranted. Some of it won’t. But if you absorb it all into your identity, leadership becomes unbearable.

The paradox is this: to lead with authenticity, one must also develop a kind of emotional detachment—not coldness, but clarity. As Daniel Goleman suggests in his work on emotional intelligence, the effective leader is self-regulated, able to pause between stimulus and response. That space is where perspective is forged.

Don’t mistake not taking things personally for being unfeeling. As Andy Buck says “listen hard”. Reflect carefully. And then respond, not react. You are a supporting character in the stories of others. If you become the protagonist in every scene, you’ve misunderstood your role.

2. Never Assume

Assumptions are the termites of trust. They undermine the very foundations of good decision-making. The moment we presume understanding—of motives, of context, of what was said or intended—we risk trading truth for convenience.

Instead, seek clarity. Ask the extra question. As Michael Bungay Stanier champions, keep asking: “and what else?” Confirm the shared understanding and don’t let assumption become the enemy of alignment.

This is as true in leadership as it is in coaching. As Julie Starr reminds us “stay curious for longer.” Don’t leap to solutions or judgements. Hold the space, listen fully, and allow the picture to emerge. Good leaders suspend assumption in favour of inquiry.

3. Communicate. Then Communicate Again.

One of the first truths leadership teaches you is this: just because you said it, doesn’t mean it was heard. Or understood. Or remembered. The signal may be clear at the point of transmission, but it often degrades through the noise of the everyday.

So: say it. Then say it again. Then say what you said.

Repetition isn’t condescension—it’s clarity. As Simon Sinek famously noted, “People don’t buy what you do; they buy why you do it.” If the why isn’t clear, the what becomes muddled.

Michael Fullan observed that successful leaders don’t just declare a vision—they re-anchor it daily in words, in decisions, in the stories they tell. If you’re not actively stewarding the narrative, someone else will. And the version they tell may not serve the organisation’s best interests.

4. Know Yourself

The hardest person to lead is often yourself.

Without self-awareness, leadership becomes performative. You respond to pressure with defensiveness. You overextend. You confuse confidence with competence. As Kahneman reminds us in Thinking, Fast and Slow, much of our decision-making is guided by instinct rather than reflection—unless we train ourselves otherwise.

To lead well, you must know:

• Your triggers and blind spots.
• Your strengths and their shadow sides.
• Your limits—not to shrink from challenge, but to better channel your energy.

In the world of school leadership, I often hear the oil rig analogy—that we work flat out for a term, then collapse into recovery during the holidays. It’s a seductive metaphor, but a misleading one—and, frankly, a dangerous one. Leadership is not a sprint bookended by rest; it is a sustained endeavour, where the stress accumulates quietly and rarely respects the calendar. In any organisation, leadership stress lingers. Managing your inner climate—your purpose, your energy, your mental load—is not a luxury. It is a reponsibility.

5. Build Good Relationships

At its essence, leadership is relational. Without trust, there is no influence. Without respect, no alignment. Without rapport, no culture worth stewarding.

What builds trust?

• Visibility. Walk the corridors. Be human.
• Listening. Active, unguarded, agenda-free.
• Fairness. High expectations with high support.
• Integrity. Say what you mean. Mean what you say.

Thomas Sergiovanni noted that trust is the moral foundation of leadership. It is slow to accrue, fast to evaporate. Or as the old saying goes, trust arrives on foot and leaves on horseback.

You cannot fake it. You must earn it—through a thousand small, consistent acts of integrity.

6. Don’t Be a D*ck

Forgive the bluntness, but it bears stating plainly. Leadership is not Machiavellian chess. It is not shadowy manoeuvring. It is not punishment masked as professionalism.

Too many organisations suffer not from poor strategy but from corrosive culture—fostered by leaders who avoid difficult conversations, who hold grudges, who manipulate behind closed doors.

The alternative is simple, if not always easy:

• Tackle issues early, honestly, and fairly.
• Say what needs saying in the room—not the corridor.
• Encourage challenge. Reward candour, not compliance.

To quote Kim Scott in Radical Candour, “Care personally. Challenge directly.” This is the balance. Anything else is cowardice dressed up as tact.

Final Reflections

Leadership is neither science nor sorcery. To me, it is more akin to navigation: you consult your compass, adjust your bearings, and chart a course amid shifting winds. You get things wrong. You correct. You keep going.

And over time, you come to understand: leadership is not about control. It is about clarity. Not about power, but self-awareness. Not about having all the answers, but about holding space for others to grow.

Not for one moment do I pretend these six lessons are fixed laws. They are, rather, my guiding stars—tools for orientation when the path ahead is uncertain:

1. Don’t take it personally. Stay steady.
2. Don’t assume. Stay curious.
3. Communicate. Then communicate again.
4. Know yourself. Stay grounded.
5. Build trust. Stay human.
6. Don’t be a d*ck. Stay kind.

What lessons have shaped your leadership? I’d love to hear them.